Handle with Care

For many people, pregnancy can be an exciting time.  When you finally start to show and you start telling people, they are usually just as excited and happy for you. It is a wonderful time during pregnancy! Except that no matter how excited and happy people are for you… some individuals just do not know how to talk to a pregnant woman. The unwanted and unwelcome comments start flooding in! People cannot seem to understand what - or most importantly, what they should not – say. It can be incredibly uncomfortable as a pregnant woman! The offensive questions and unwanted information that just seem to spill out of people’s mouths, seemingly completely unfiltered!  

 

Pregnant women are generally more sensitive. Their estrogen levels can be 100 times higher than pre-pregnancy levels. A thoughtless comment can feel more offensive while pregnant. But even with hormones at an all-time high, some things should just not be said. I believe that with a little help, saying the wrong thing to a pregnant woman can certainly be avoided. So, to come to the aid of all women who find themselves in this particularly vulnerable situation, let us review the top things to never say to or around a pregnant woman… 

 

Please do not share your horrible birth stories! Ever! Please think twice before you share your terrifying birth story. Pregnant women have enough anxiety about their pending labour and delivery without any horror stories. If you have an awful story - do not share it! Keep it to yourself for now, and maybe after our perfect labour and delivery, you can share it with us!  

 

Don’t tell them how amazing your pregnancy was. If someone is sick for three months – or more, they do not want to hear how incredible you felt during your pregnancy! Please keep this information to yourself until after they feel better, when hopefully they can keep down our breakfast, lunch, and dinner! 

 

“You look like you could be having twins!” Why would this comment ever leave your mouth?! This woman is creating a life – or possibly two! She is most likely already very sensitive about her body image. This comment is not helpful and is not necessary.  

 

Trying to predict the exact date that the couple conceived. I have one word for you… awkward! Please do not do any sort of math to figure out when the magical night was. This is no one’s business but the two involved. That is private information. Top secret.  

 

“I thought you didn’t want kids.” Give people grace that they are allowed to change their mind. Maybe when someone was younger, the thought of kids was not on their radar. Life happens and things change, including minds. Unless you are a close loved one, this is entirely none of your business. 

 

“You shouldn’t do that when you’re pregnant.”  Are you her doctor or my mother? If not, please keep your opinions on what she should or should not be doing, to yourself. Period. No advice on what she should or should not be eating or drinking either. Her doctor will be monitoring her and letting her know if there are any concerns.  

 

“Were you trying to get pregnant?” Again, none of your business! Yes, maybe they were or no, maybe this is completely unexpected. This pregnancy may or may not have been expected. But please try to consider all the options. This might not have initially been the plan, but this is the path they are on, so jump on board. Quickly.  

 

Informing them that they will be tired. They are already tired. And they know they will be tired, for years to come! Informing them that they will be more tired than we currently are, is something they already know and is incredibly unhelpful! Yes, everyone knows babies do not sleep. Thank you!  

 

“Do you plan to use medication during your labour and delivery?”  This is something she might not be able to answer.  A pregnant woman might have some ideas towards medication options, but even so, plans can change in the moment when you are delivering a baby. This is a question that’s not needed, and sometimes the answer is out of the woman’s control.  

 

The best way to not say the wrong thing to a pregnant woman is to always be complimentary. Even if they look completely exhausted and horrible! Compliments only! Do not ask invasive questions. Do not share stories that are horrifying or scary. Do not stick your nose where it does not belong. When dealing with a woman who is pregnant, pretend there is a warning label. Please handle with care! Fragile! Precious cargo inside!  

 

PLEASE consider the comments above before approaching a pregnant woman and starting a conversation. Remember to leave her feeling as happy on the inside as she looks on the outside! Thank you! 

 

 

By: Julie, RN ~ Client Services Director

 

 

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