All of my life I have struggled with insecurity and been a victim of the comparison trap. Growing up, I wished I was pretty like so-and-so, or good at sports like so-and-so, or had a boyfriend like so-and-so, or was the straight-A student like so-and-so. But no matter how much I looked at what others had and what I didn’t have, it didn’t change anything except the growing feeling of insecurity and depression. As I look at the world today, it seems the comparison monster has grown even bigger with social media. It is now one of the biggest struggles facing young people today.
Psychology Today says, “Social media is like kerosene poured on the flame of social comparison, dramatically increasing the information about people that we're exposed to and forcing our minds to assess.”1
The reason social media is the perfect catalyst for social comparison is because what people post online is their best self; the good picture with the perfect lighting, the perfect family picture, the successes, the wins, the awards, all the good stuff. So when we look at that and compare it to our non-airbrushed self, it’s hard not to feel less than. But it’s an unfair comparison that is harmful to our mental health and wellbeing.
“The mental health of those prone to negative comparison can be seriously compromised as a result. ‘When we're reliant on others for our sense of self, only feeling good if we get positive feedback or markers of status, we're at risk for depression,’ says Mitch Prinstein, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina.”1
What can we do to not fall into that trap? How can we protect ourselves from the negative effects of comparison?
Count Your Blessings
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, or negative aspects of yourself, look at the things you do have and your positive attributes. It might seem hard at first, especially if you are feeling down or depressed, but once you start it gets easier. I might not have the perfect body but I have great hair! I have a job, I have a family who loves and supports me…keep going, what else is on your list? You will probably find, after you have written your list that your life doesn’t look so bad after all. You may feel your mood and overall positivity increase.
Spread the Love
Let others around you know the positives you see in their lives. This week, you could try sending three people a positive message on social media or writing a note to them. When you do something nice for others, it gives you positive endorphins that make you feel better about yourself. Volunteering at an organization and helping others are also great ways to spread some love. I have had several times where someone said “you made my day” and those words made my day, to know I truly helped someone.
Be Honest
Letting others know how you’re feeling or what’s going on in your life is good for many reasons. It gives you space to share and receive help, and it also gives the other person permission to be honest. I can’t tell you how many times I have shared something with someone to have them say, “Me Too! I had no idea you felt like that.” Remember everyone struggles with comparison, so being honest about our struggles lets others know they are not alone. This week you could try taking a picture of a messy room in your house, or a picture of you with no make up on and hashtag it #reallife or #lifeunfiltered. See what comments you get, I bet you are in good company.
For more tips you can read the article by Psychology Today The Comparison Trap | Psychology Today
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By: Elizabeth, Executive Director
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