When we are in a relationship one of our biggest questions is “Is it love?” “Does he/she love me?” This is something many songs have been written about. Whitney Houston in her famous song sang, “How will I know if he really loves me?” and Cher sang, “If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss.” And although they are nice lyrics, the truth is love is much more than physical attraction and sexual acts.
So how do you know if it is love or not?
Top 5 Signs it is Love
- They respect you
Respect is so important in a relationship. Respect needs to be in every aspect of the relationship. They will respect your values and beliefs. Even if you don’t share the same beliefs, the person will respect yours and not try to pull you away from those beliefs or try to discredit them. They will respect your personal boundaries. They shouldn’t push you to go further physically than what you are comfortable with. If you don’t want to have sex and your partner is saying, “if you love me you will have sex with me,” then that is a sign that they don’t truly love you because they are not respecting your boundaries.
- They support you
They should be supportive of your personal interests, hobbies, career, schooling etc. If your partner calls your likes, job etc. stupid or a waste of time, then that is not being supportive. A supportive relationship encourages each other to do what they love because you want each other to be happy. Real love wants the best for you and supports you in following your dreams. They will also support your personal time. If you want to hang out with your friends or family they are okay with that and don’t try to keep you away from them.
- They encourage you
How someone talks to you and about you is a big sign of if they love you. Do they give encouraging words, “You are amazing, I don’t know how you do it all.” Do they sing your praises to their family and friends? If they make jokes about you or use put downs, that is not love. Real love will find ways to let you know how valuable and special you are. They should be your biggest cheerleader.
- They do nice things for you
How much money someone spends on you is not an indication of love. It is the kind acts that are done privately. Making you a coffee in the morning. Making dinner after you were working late. Surprising you with some cupcakes when they know you have been up late studying. Walking you home at night even if it is out of their way. If your partner is always taking in the relationship and never giving back to you, then that is not love. Love is not self seeking but selfless. When you love someone, you want to do nice things for them because you care.
- They forgive you
Let’s face it, we all make mistakes sometimes. Something hurtful is said, we forgot to do something, something gets broken. It happens. And true love shows forgiveness. If your partner is holding a grudge against you for something that happened or if they keep bringing it up so you don’t forget how you messed up, then that is not love. Love doesn’t hold grudges or keep any record of wrongs. Love forgives. This does not mean you become a doormat to bad behaviour. If you are worried you are in an abusive relationship you should seek help. Check out this article for signs of an abusive relationship: https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse
Does your relationship pass the test?
If you want to talk to someone about your relationship we are happy to meet with you. Contact us for a confidential appointment HERE.
By: Elizabeth, Executive Director